I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
