How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
