I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
