When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
