i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
