fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
