If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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