It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
