The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
