Cold hands, warm shart.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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