I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
