why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
