I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
