all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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