Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
