Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
