He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
