His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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