Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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