Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
