so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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