well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
