you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
