I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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