If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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