i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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