I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
