Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
only if we run a train.
done.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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