but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
