I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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