that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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