just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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