i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my shit smells like andre
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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