a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
