I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
