Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
