It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
