Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
