The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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