I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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