I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
