sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this boner is exhausting
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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