things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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