i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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