I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
