I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
