It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
