I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
