you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
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Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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