he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
