Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
