Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
