my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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