Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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