If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
