My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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