This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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