My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
