as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
