I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
