i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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