you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
