OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
