p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
