i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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