I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
