so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
