I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
