She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
