So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
