Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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