new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
being pregnant is like rehab
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
